


Smoke and Mirrors

by MaddyBee



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Civil War (Marvel), Deviates From Canon, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, Implied/Referenced Torture, Imprisonment, Jealousy, Reader-Insert, Relationship Problems, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2018-12-02 06:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11503899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddyBee/pseuds/MaddyBee
Summary: Being the girlfriend of Captain America had always been a little demanding, but now with the Accords dividing the team, Bucky apparently going AWOL and the threat of another woman eyeing up your man, will the relationship survive?Or is everything you know about to come crashing down around you?





	1. Chapter 1

No matter how many times you scrubbed the counter, you couldn't stop the worries that buzzed around your head like dazed butterflies, tangling up and giving you a headache. Letting out yet another sigh, you threw the sponge in the sink and braced your hands on the worktop.

The cafe had closed an hour ago, the other barista long gone. Really, you could have left over half an hour ago, but the cleaning was therapeutic - well, it was better than rattling around your empty apartment or the abandoned compound. Not that it really mattered where you were, you'd still be thinking of the team. 

They'd been chasing a lead on Crossbones that had taken them to Lagos, and were supposed to have returned earlier that morning. Usually, a few extra hours wouldn't worry you, it's not like missions could be accurately scheduled, but after what you'd seen on the news, you couldn't help the worry gnawing at your gut.

The explosion in the lab and the resulting casualties would be crushing the team, especially Steve, who always took responsibility as leader, and Wanda, who seemed to take the brunt of the blame in the news coverage. Not that you trusted the media, you'd have to wait till they got home to get the real story.

Firing off another text to Tony asking if he knew anything - as he was the only one of the team not in Lagos, busy instead giving an alumni speech at MIT - you finally called it a day, locking up the cafe as you clutched your jacket tight to you and started down the slowly emptying street. 

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even realise you'd hailed down a taxi till you heard yourself ask to be taken to the compound. 

Staring out the window at a cloudless sky, you nibbled your lip as you hoped with all your might that the team were ok. 

xxx

It was dark by the time the elevator dinged, announcing the arrival of an exhausted and guilt-ridden team. You were curled up on the couch under the fluffiest blanket you could find, Netflix on the tv and a massive mug of green tea clasped in your fingers. The second you heard the doors to the lift open, you placed your mug on the table, flung off the blanket and launched yourself over the back of the sofa in quick succession. 

Your eyes darted quickly between all the members in an attempt to gauge injuries and emotions. Wanda was at the front and centre, her big eyes full of sadness and her lips pulled into a defeated frown. Without hesitation, you grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into your body, engulfing her in your arms. Her face buried into your neck, shaking hands tight around your waist as you caught Nat’s eyes over her head. 

The redhead gave you a tired smile before gently pushing Sam out towards the kitchen. Steve gave you a lopsided smirk, but the lightness didn't reach his eyes. With a little quirk of his head, he nodded towards the bedrooms before sloping off down the corridor, rubbing at the back of his neck in agitation. 

You stayed where you were, gently rocking on your feet as you murmured quiet words of comfort into the brunette’s ear. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, but soon enough you managed to convince her she needed to go to bed. Her eyes were rubbed raw from trying to stop the tears, and you spent almost an hour laying with her cradled in your arms, rubbing soothing circles on her arm to try help her sleep. When her breathing finally evened out, you carefully untangled yourself from her embrace, pulled the blanket up to her chin and left the room silently. The frown was deep set into your expression as you rubbed a hand harshly over your face, a long sigh pulling from your lips. 

One down.

Steve was in your shared room, staring at the tv that was switched off. He hadn’t even noticed you entering, so you picked your way through to the bedroom, swapping your comfy sweats and hoodie for one of his t-shirts. Then, you returned to the sullen man and sat by his side on the arm of the chair. There, you ran your hands softly through his hair, waiting in silence for him to speak.

He didn’t. Instead, he tugged you gently into his lap, pressing his face into your hair and inhaling the familiar smell as his arms gripped you desperately. When it became clear he didn’t plan on speaking, you tugged gently away from his grip to place your hands on his cheeks. Mustering up a smile, you traced his features lovingly. 

“Time for bed, handsome, even super soldiers need their beauty sleep.”

Huffing a laugh, the blonde let himself be pulled to his feet and dragged towards the bed. It was in the still darkness, you pressed against his chest, that he finally found his words.

“It was my fault. Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and I just...shut down. Wanda only had to use her powers because I let my feelings come before the safety of others.”

His tone was firm, but it was the guilt seeping through his words that hurt your heart. Turning in his arms so you were face to face, you locked eyes with his beautiful blue gaze. 

“Baby, listen to me. This is not your fault. It’s not Wanda’s either, you both tried as best you could. You both saved so many lives. It’s hard and horrible, don’t get me wrong, but the world would be screwed without you Steve. Rumlow is gone, and your team is alive. Focus on that.”

He simply returned your gaze for a silent moment before his lips quirked into a smile. He pressed a slow, hard kiss to your lips, then shook his head fondly. 

“How is it you always know what to say?”

You shot him a cheeky grin and nuzzled into his chest.

“I’m just great like that.”

His laugh rocked his chest, and with his arm tight around you, it wasn’t long before you both dozed off.


	2. Chapter 2

The low murmurs of a tv could be heard as soon as you left your room. You'd spent most of the day in bed with Steve, who needed time to recharge away from the others. He'd left for a run with Sam an hour ago, leaving you to finally dress and surface from the comfiest bed you'd ever laid in. 

Glancing up the corridor, you realised the noise was drifting from Wanda’s open doorway. A slight frown on your face, you followed the noise while simultaneously sweeping your hair absentmindedly into a messy bun. You found Wanda sat on her bed, eyes glued to the news report on the Lagos incident and your heart squeezed in sympathy. Lightly, you tapped your fingers on the frame and sat on the bed beside the brunette once she'd given you a strained smile. 

“Wanda”, you began, taking her hand in yours, “don't do this to yourself. You'll drive yourself crazy.” 

Her pale fingers tangled with yours, and her head laid on your shoulder. 

“I know, I just…” her quiet voice trailed off into a sigh, and you couldn't help but wish that there was something you could do. But you were just a barista who happened to be in with the hero crowd, what were you supposed to do but be there as a shoulder to cry on? 

“Are my girls ok in here?” 

Both of you glanced up at Steve’s voice to find him leaning on the door, tv remote in his hand to turn off the news report that was now claiming Wanda was out of control and not to be trusted. 

You both smiled and murmured an affirmative, but the unconvinced Steve shot Wanda a frown. 

“Wanda, stop beating yourself up, this is my fault.” 

Before Wanda could even open her mouth to argue, Steve continued.

“Rumlow said ‘Bucky’ and all of a sudden I was a 16 year old kid again in Brooklyn. Look, we try to save as many people as we can, and sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can't find a way to live with that, then maybe next time, nobody gets saved.” 

God, you loved that stupid hunk of sappiness. 

Wanda had cheered up a little thanks to his encouraging words, but instead of thanking the captain, the words out of her mouth next were an exclamation of “Vis! We talked about this!” 

Vision justified his appearance through the wall by stating that the door was open, and so he assumed it was acceptable. Wanda didn't look like she accepted this reasoning, but before an argument could break out, Vision shared the information that Tony had finally returned, and Secretary Ross was with him.

Steve and you shared a worried stare, and Wanda tensed up once again next to you. 

This couldn't be good.

xxx

Not to be dramatic, but Ross was a slimy toad and you hated him.

Here he was, telling some stupid golfing story while the team sat before him, all looking tired and wary. Tony was slumped in a corner, resolutely staring at the ground and uncharacteristically silent. 

You knew you weren’t an avenger, you were just lucky enough to be dating the Captain, but it was still rude that Ross had shut down every member of the team when they said you were one of them, and welcome in the meeting. Instead, you were sat outside the room on a sofa, staring in through the glass walls and attempting to learn lip-reading. 

The golf story - which you’d figured out through Ross’ actions and the teams bored faces - was over, and now there was news footage playing on the screen, the Avenger’s past destruction being the clear theme. 

Wanda was trying so hard not to cry, and all you wanted to do was bust in and give her a hug. Clenching your fists, you huffed and crossed your legs, irritated at how little you could help them. 

You were a split-second away from texting Clint to rat out Ross for being mean to Wanda - after all, Clint had semi-adopted both you and the Maximoff girl and was fiercely protective of the two of you - when your gaze was drawn to the massive binder that had just been dropped on the table.

Steve’s brow was furrowed, Rhodey’s jaw was set and Natasha was shifting in her seat - whatever that document was, it was bad. 

Conversation continued for several minutes before Ross opened the door to leave, the tension spilling out of the room with him practically palpable. Setting your jaw, you gave the Secretary a cool stare as he passed you by, while he looked at you like you were an ugly, hairless cat sat on the sofa spitting at him. 

Which, to be fair, is what you felt like. 

The team was still sat around the table in dense silence, and it wasn’t until Steve caught your eyes that he finally lead the way, retreating from the room with the thick pack in hand. Chucking it on the coffee table next to where you stood with a little more force than necessary, he raked a hand through his hair in frustration before opening his arms to hug you tight to his chest. 

You held him close as he breathed in your calming, familiar scent until the others had taken their places on the sofas, and you realised that you were making people feel awkward - again. 

After you were given a quick explanation of what the Accords were, you realised that this was a conversation that wouldn’t be over any time soon. Therefore, you decided to offer the only bit of help you could, and make some coffee. 

Or you would have done if Tony hadn’t beat you to the kitchen and proceeded to complain about coffee grounds in the disposal. A fair complaint really, as it was a very weird thing to do. It wasn’t until the brunette shared the story of Charles Spencer that you felt something ominous in the air. The tug on your heartstrings was a common occurrence when hearing the Avenger’s stories - but there was something else. Steve was right, Tony had made up his mind. 

The team was going to be divided. 

The reality hit you suddenly, and you found yourself chewing your lip as you wondered what that meant - for you, for the team members, for the world. It was bad enough that Banner and Thor were MIA, the team couldn’t take any more losses.

But the look on Steve’s face said it all - there was no way he was signing the Accords. He, along with Sam, and Wanda if she had her way, were going to oppose the government. 

All at once, the pressure got too much for you and you backed away from the group with some mumbled excuse about needing a hoodie. It had been a while since you’d had a panic attack, but right now you could feel the anxiety clawing at the back of your throat. 

Running through the halls, you careened into your room and slammed the door shut before dropping down to sit against it. 

Steve wouldn’t agree with the Accords, but he wasn’t about to give up helping people either. So what did that mean? Would he be working as a criminal? A vigilante? 

Then what about you?

It was already hard enough fitting into Steve’s life, this would make it damn near impossible if Steve did end up in trouble.  
Which was a pretty selfish thought in retrospect. 

You didn’t even know why you were freaking out, sure this was a big deal, but nothing was set in stone yet. You had Steve’s back, that was what was important here. Ok, so things like this made you feel way out of your depth, made you realise you were playing at being part of a world that you couldn’t handle living in, not really. It would be ok though - you and Steve, you’d stick together no matter what.

With this thought in mind, you took a few minutes to compose yourself before wrapping up in one of his navy hoodies and returning to the living room. 

Where you quickly realised your favourite soldier was missing. 

You were still in the doorway, the others too busy arguing to notice you yet. Apart from Natasha, who swung to make direct eye contact with you in that eery way that only trained spies could manage. She nodded slightly to the staircase across from the sofas, then gave you a shrug to indicate she didn’t know where he went or why. Offering a quick nod of thanks, you followed in the footsteps of your boyfriend. 

You descended several flights before you saw the blonde, sat against the railings with his phone clutched in his hand, his beautiful blue eyes staring blankly ahead. 

Approaching slowly so as not to startle him and trigger his fighter instincts, you called out his name to no reply. He did, however, flick his gaze up to you with a broken look on his face.

Your heart cracked a little at the visible anguish, and you were quick to sit next to him with a comforting hand on his knee. 

“Steve?”

Silence.

“Baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The strongest man you knew turned to you with searching eyes. 

“Peggy’s dead.”

The whispered words blared like a siren in the empty stairwell, echoing off the concrete as you felt an extreme rush of swirling, competing emotions. Trampling down the fears that you had buried for so long, you instead focused on the current priority. 

Gently, you pulled the man to your chest, wrapping strong arms around his crumpled body and trying oh so hard to not feel the sharp bite of hurt at the fact that the man you loved was currently holding back tears over another women. 

It was your turn to stare blankly at the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

You’d always wanted to go to London. 

Attending the funeral of the love of your boyfriend’s life was not the circumstances you expected to finally visit the city under. 

You were donned in black, sat in the polished back pews of a quaint church next to Sam, watching as Steve carried the coffin on his shoulder. You didn’t know how to feel right now.

You didn’t know how you were supposed to feel.

Probably not jealous of a dead lady. 

God, what was wrong with you? 

Clearing your throat and shifting in your seat in an attempt to derail your thoughts, you caught the attention of the man next to you. Sam had been one of your closest friends ever since you’d challenged him to an impromptu race in the park 3 years ago. He was the one who introduced you to the team. He was the one who set you up with Steve. He was the one who knew that when you were angry-sad you liked to watch horror films and when you were sad-sad you liked to watch Harry Potter. So basically, he knew you well.

Right now, he was giving you that look that said he knew exactly what you were thinking, and you needed to calm the fuck down before your nervous laughter kicked in - after all, was there a more inappropriate place to start laughing than a funeral?

Especially because Steve was now back sat at your side, clenching your hand in his probably tighter than he realised. Ow. 

You gave him a supportive squeeze and a smile, which gained you the same in return before both of you turned your attention back to the front.

Where Sharon Carter took the podium to talk about her Aunt Peggy. 

You’d met Sharon several times at Tony’s parties and around the compound, and you hated to say it but you didn’t particularly like her. She was definitely interested in Steve, and although she’d never come close to even hinting at acting on the crush, she still put you on edge.

After all, you thought as you glanced at Steve to see his attention locked onto Sharon as she spoke, her own eyes staring straight back at him.

She had a connection to him that you could never have.

She connected him to the past he missed so dearly.

xxx

You were sat on the balcony, sneaking a stress-smoke, when the story came through.

The second you heard the words ‘Vienna’ and ‘bomb’ you stumbled out of your seat and rushed to turn up the tv. The news was showing the burning UN building and your heart jumped to your throat as you feared for Natasha. 

Then they showed the clip of the suspect and your heart plummeted to your feet.

The news reporter called him James Buchanan Barnes, but that wasn't the name you knew him by. To you, he was just Bucky.

The boy that had been such a good friend to your beloved Steve, who had gone above and beyond to protect him from the world.

Steve, who had stayed behind with Sharon to talk about Peggy. 

This was going to destroy him.

“Sam!” you yelled, eyes remaining on the screen as you heard the dividing door between your rooms open.

“What’s up, princess? Seen a spider and need a big strong man to sa-”

His voice trailed off at the face on the screen.

You turned to him slowly, both your gazes heavy as you processed what this meant.

“Go get Steve, he needs to see this.”

Sam nodded in response and slipped out of the room, leaving you to drop on to the bed and stare at the shot of Bucky, wondering what the hell was going on.

xxx

As expected, Steve did not react well. 

First, he insisted that it wasn’t Bucky, and then when he accepted it was, he decided that he had to be the one to bring him in. He reasoned that if it really was Bucky, then no one else could do this - it had to be him. 

You got it, you really did, but this was reckless for Steve, and if he wasn’t being so driven by emotions you doubted he’d be so headstrong about this. However, you smiled and nodded and went along with it, because what the fuck else were you supposed to do? 

So now you were in Vienna, sat at a bar next to Sam keeping an eye on the news while Sharon looked for a lead and Steve checked in with Nat. This was what you hated the most, sitting around waiting, unable to help while everyone you knew was busy being important and dramatic. You tapped your foot rapidly in agitation, to the thinly-veiled annoyance of Sam, as you scrolled through endless news apps and social media hashtags, trying to find out anything that could help Steve.

You were also busily pretending you hadn’t noticed the string of texts from Tony telling you to stay far away, and to keep Steve with you.

You were trying to decide whether Tony would give you a replacement phone if you threw yours across the room when Steve walked in, stoney faced. Catching his gaze, you tried for a supportive smile, and managed to get a quirk of the lips in response. 

He came and sat next to you, tugging you so you were tucked under his chin, one strong arm anchoring around your shoulders. You stroked his thigh affectionately, then reached up to kiss his jaw softly. Smiling properly now, he pressed his lips to yours and ran his fingers through your hair causing you to hum softly. 

“I think I found something.”

You were going to kill Sharon.

Pulling away from Steve, you tried to school your expression so you weren’t glaring at the blonde woman, who had looked up from the file in her hand, realised what she had interrupted, and was now red in the face. 

Steve placed a soothing hand on the small of your back in an attempt to quell the murder in your eyes, then turned to Sharon who gave him the report she’d found. Both Sam and Steve looked over the file, checking the information for credibility and forming a plan, while you sat and watched - like always. 

You’d never been this bothered before about being outside the team, why was it hitting you so hard now?

Ignoring the uneasy feeling, you followed the conversing trio out to the street, feeling so out of place that you had to shake off the anxiety that was creeping it’s way into your mind. Now was not the time for that - it was time to prove your worth. 

xxx

Bucharest. You’d been to more places over the last 36 hours than you’d been in the last year, and you were only there still because you’d flat out refused when Steve told you to go back to the compound where you’d be safe. You thought he’d be mad, but he’d seemed quite touched that you’d been so against leaving him in what could end up being a seriously difficult and messy reunion with his childhood bestie. 

You weren’t in the drama though, oh no. 

Sharon had disappeared off to meet the Secretary of who-the-fuck-cares, and the boys were currently breaking into Bucky’s suspected flat. 

You, though, were safely tucked away in a cafe in the middle of the city, a few blocks away from where the reunion was taking place. You were sat drinking your fourth cup of coffee, trying to drown your worries and keep your hands busy, but only succeeding in further agitating yourself with the caffeine shakes. Oops. 

Steve hadn’t even connected you to the comms, so you were completely out of the loop and left to stare at your phone as you waited for any contact. 

You were expecting a text from Sam, but what you got instead was a Russian spy suddenly sat at your table, drinking your coffee. 

You blinked, then decided it was best to just roll with it.

“Hey Nat.”

“Tony tracked your phone, we wanted to make sure you were ok. You need to come with me.”

Of course Tony had tracked your phone. Pouting, you glared at the gadget as if it was the one that had done you wrong, then looked back up to where Nat was now typing furiously on her own phone. 

“Go where? And why? I’m guessing you know what Steve’s doing, so you should also know that I want to stay right here till I know he’s ok.”

You snatched back your coffee and took a sip. 

“He’s been arrested.”

You choked on your sip.

“What?! What do you mean ‘arrested’? What the hell is going on?”

Nat gave you a look of slight pity, and stood impatiently.

“I’ll explain on the way, now come on, we’re needed in Berlin.”

Sighing, you went with the only real option you had - you followed her

xxx

Why was it that, in your experience, everyone named Ross was an asshole?

This Ross was just as self-righteous as the other one, and there was a small bit of you that found satisfaction in the fact that it was Sharon who had to deal with him. She looked like she was about to collapse out of boredom. 

You, on the other hand, were once again being shunted to the side. You were sat in some sort of control room where Tony was pacing and speaking angrily into his phone while Ross, Sharon and a couple of workers were discussing something or other. Nat had disappeared a few moments ago when the call came through that the ‘captives had been brought in’. 

You’d shared a look of great discomfort with her at Steve and Sam being referred to as criminals.

When Ross and Sharon suddenly left the room as well, you turned to ask Tony what the hell was going on only to find him standing as far from you as possible, back turned and still on the phone.

Ok, you were getting seriously pissed at being ignored.

Gritting your teeth in irritation, you were about to storm off to find the others when suddenly the bank of screens in front of you flickered into life. Your eyes were immediately pulled to the centre monitor, which showed a live feed of a prisoner in a box. 

Well, at least Bucky was alive.

You hadn’t ever seen him in person, only in photos taken back when he was Sergeant Barnes. This man, however, was broken and rugged, and you began to understand more why Steve was so set on helping him. It wasn’t fair that one man, a good man, could be so broken down.

A commotion broke you from your musings, and you spun around to lock eyes with Steve. Tony, Nat and Ross were all busy telling them off, but you didn’t hesitate in pushing past them to throw your arms around your boyfriend’s neck. He looked like he needed a hug, and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t need one to. 

You were interrupted abruptly when Tony pulled Steve away to talk about the repercussions of what happened, and Nat came up to take your hand and squeeze it in support. She could tell you were becoming overwhelmed - you were suddenly being thrown head-first into the area of their lives you’d always been kept out of. 

“Y/N, this is T’Challa, the King of Wakanda.” 

At Nat’s words, your eyes bulged and you turned to the handsome man smirking beside you. He reached out a hand to take yours, and you smiled bashfully when he kissed it rather than shook it.

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

“Likewise, Your Highness? Your lordship? My king?” 

As if you knew how to address royalty, you worked in a coffee shop for fuck sake.

Luckily, rather than the weird looks you expected, Nat and T’Challa laughed, which momentarily lightened the mood. Until you and Sam were pushed into the glass room with Steve as the others sat in front of the screens outside.

You wanted to ask Steve what Tony had said, but the look on his face had you biting your tongue. Instead, you joined him at the table, and watched the screen that was still showing Bucky. Now, though, he was talking to someone. Or to himself. You couldn’t be sure.

You were making a mental note to actually get Clint to teach you lip-reading when suddenly the tv in the room clicked on, and you could now hear the conversation between Bucky and what turned out to be a therapist. You hadn’t even noticed Sharon enter the room, you really needed to work on some basic survival skills. 

The voice of the therapist sent a chill down your spine, and you couldn’t help feeling like something was really, really wrong. 

Apparently Steve felt the same, because he suddenly questioned why you’d release an image of someone you wanted to find, when that would simply push them into hiding? 

Sharon, thinking aloud, said something about the guarantee of them finding him rather than the person who framed him, and all eyes turned to the tv screen. To the therapist or doctor or whatever he was. That was the point - they didn’t know.

Before you could reach for Steve’s hand to try and calm him, the power went out with no warning. Everyone was immediately on their feet, Ross barking instructions into a walkie-talkie as the four of you stood in silence for a split-second. 

“Sub-level 5, East Wing.”

Steve and Sam ran from the room the second the words were out of Sharon’s mouth. You hesitated, took a half-step, then faltered again. Sharon shot you a look that you read as pitying, then left to assist Ross. You chewed your lip, eyes roaming the room to find Tony and Nat arguing, everyone else hurrying around, and T’Challa gone. 

You were still deciding what to do when you spied Tony and Nat now running after Sharon down the stairs. Acting on impulse for once, you sprinted after them, keeping enough distance and people between you that they didn’t see you following them. 

You ended up in some sort of cafeteria, Tony fighting Bucky with only one gauntlet. When he was quickly taken down, Sharon and Nat went in with a barrage of hits. But the real trouble came when T’Challa took on Bucky, the two throwing each other around the room with a worrying amount of ferocity. Taking advantage of the distraction, you ran to where Nat was clutching her throat, helping her to sit up as she gasped for breath.

Your eyes, though, were still following Bucky and T’Challa. Steve wanted nothing more in life than for Bucky to be ok. 

You knew what you had to do.

The second you went to leave, Nat grabbed onto your jacket sleeve, tugging you to look at her. She shook her head vigorously, still unable to talk, but you gently pulled her hand away. 

“I have to Nat. I’m sick of sitting around in the corner. I have to help.”

The redhead made another grab for you, but you were sprinting towards the brawling males before she could catch you. You didn’t really know what you were doing, you just knew that this was the chance to get Bucky out of here. 

So you used every ounce of strength you had in your body and shoved T’Challa, a king, off of one of the most infamous criminals in the world. Before either man could register what was happening, you picked up a chair and smashed it over the back of T’Challa’s head, rendering him unconscious. 

There was a heavy silence as you looked up slowly to meet the steely glare of Bucky Barnes. You swallowed back your fear, maintained hs gaze, and dropped the chair leg to the floor with a loud clatter. 

The aim was to show that you weren’t a threat, but you’d forgotten that you weren’t in a movie, and you definitely weren’t a superhero. The man in front of you could kill you with one twist of his hand, and in this state, there’d be no stopping him. Your confidence faltered and you took a baby step back, prepping yourself to sprint away the split-second he moved. 

Then a door slammed loudly below you, and before you could even blink, Bucky was taking the stairs up to the roof. A second later, Steve came running up to you, yelling your name. He ran his hands over you, searching your body for injuries and sighing sharply in relief when he found none. 

He hugged you quickly to his chest, but you pushed him away roughly. 

“You have to go, Bucky’s gone to the roof. This is your chance to stop him.”

Steve nodded, pressing a short kiss to your lips before turning to the stairs. 

“Go find Sam, avoid everyone else, and be careful ok?” He turned around once he reached the door and threw you a smile. “I love you.”

Then he was gone, and you were left to sneak out of the building without drawing attention from Avengers or government officials. Which turned out to be surprisingly easy when you pulled up your hood and ran around like a scared civilian, hidden in the chaos.

Once out in the open air, you finally felt like you could breathe again. You were taking a second just to calm yourself when a gentle hand grabbed your arm. Your eyes shot open to be met with Sam’s very-forced smile.

He led you to a nearby abandoned warehouse he’d already scoped out, where you shed your jacket, and took up guard sitting by one of the doors.

Every noise made you jump, and it struck you right then exactly what you had become - a wanted criminal in hiding.

It felt like days were spent waiting for Steve to appear and make everything ok again.


	4. Chapter 4

When Steve eventually turned up with Bucky in tow, neither you or Sam were surprised. As Steve dumped Bucky in a chair and trapped his metal arm in a clamp, Sam took up a guarding position next to a grimy window - though it was the brunette super-soldier that his attention was clearly fixed on.

You’d shot Steve a weak smile of support, offered him a tight hug, then returned to your chosen nook by the door, watching the city and feeling greatly disturbed by the fact that people were out there looking for you, looking to arrest you. 

Once again, you were out of your depth.

You were sat in silence, leather jacket pulled tightly around you as you fought the drowsiness that had began to make you sluggish, when Sam yelled for you and Steve. The three of you stood and watched as Bucky regained consciousness. 

Steve was attempting to keep a straight face through his hope, Sam was wary and distrusting, and you were just anxious. Anxious about everything. You and Sam shared a look of thinly-veiled concern as Bucky awoke fully and asked where he was.

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam when he made the point that they were trusting one of the most dangerous people on the planet based on the fact that he was able to remember a name. You wanted to trust Bucky, you really did - after all, he had pulled Steve out of the river in Washington. It was just hard to trust a man who mere hours ago had looked at you with cold, emotionless eyes.

A man who you knew could kill you as if you were nothing - you weren’t a hero, you wouldn’t stand a chance if he suddenly snapped. 

Then there was the other reason, the one you buried deep down in the recesses of your mind and tried desperately to ignore. It was selfish, but it was bred out of deep-seated trust issues and feelings of unworthiness you couldn’t shake. 

Bucky would just be one more person to fight with for Steve’s attention. 

You swallowed thickly, struck with burning guilt at not being happy for Steve when he was being reunited with his greatest ever friend, and locked your eyes on the floor. 

Steve and Bucky were still busy talking, but Sam noticed you curling in on yourself and took a step towards you, running a quick hand over your shoulder with a squeeze of support. You only picked out words in passing as the conversation continued, too busy not freaking out to maintain total concentration.

Dead. December 16th. Siberia. 

When the existence of other Winter Soldier’s was brought up, that managed to catch your attention. You gaped in horror as Sam threw up his hands in exasperation and Steve grit his teeth in that way that made your skin crawl. 

The next half an hour was spent grilling Bucky for information on the soldiers and the location of the base, before a plan started being formed. You didn’t think storming an airport as a bunch of high-profile criminals was exactly subtle, but what did you know? 

It was agreed that the night would be spent in hiding, and you’d set out in the early hours of the morning when there was less chance of being detected. Which meant sleeping on a cold, concrete floor. Yay. You were trying to form your jacket into some sort of makeshift pillow in a corner when Steve finally came to sit next to you, finally done talking with Bucky. 

“Um, babe, what are you doing?”

You raised an eyebrow at his question, and gestured back to your jacket. 

“I’m making a pillow. Well, trying to. It’s not going well.”

Steve looked uncomfortable, scratching the back of his head, and your eyes shot over his shoulder to see Sam and Bucky looking just as uneasy.

“Ok, what’s going on?”

Without even bothering to form an excuse, the other two jumped up from the floor and left the room. Fixing Steve with a hard look, you waited for an explanation. Feeling awkward under the scrutiny, Steve cleared his throat and fixed his uneasy gaze on you. 

“I thought it was obvious, doll. You can’t come with us. It’s going to be messy, we’ll have to fight our way through the others and avoid the authorities, and I don’t want you getting mixed up in all of this.”

You scoffed in disbelief, and crossed your arms to hide your clenched fists where your nails dug into your palms. 

“I’m kind of already involved, Steve. What, you just expect me to hop on a plane home? Go back to the compound and have Vision babysit me while you all go off and fight each other? Sit there and worry about whether or not you’re even fucking alive?!”

He sighed heavily, expression softening rather than hardening in the anger you’d expected. He reached out to place a hand on your thigh, palm up and fingers spread in invitation. You only hesitated for a second before lacing your fingers in his, calmed by the simple, loving gesture. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt, ok? I’ll be fine, but I can’t spend the whole time worrying about you. Go back to New York, back to your apartment, and I promise you I’ll keep you updated. This will all be over in a few days.” He pressed his forehead against yours, and breathed in deeply. “I can’t lose you.”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded in understanding before wrapping your arms around his shoulders, head leant against his chest to feel the steady beat of his heart.

Helicopters still whirred in the background, and one of the boys were pacing restlessly, but in that moment the only thing that mattered was how goddamn much you loved the man in your arms. 

xxx

The sky was the deep murky grey of a cold morning when you hopped out of the taxi and strode down the hidden dirt path. The forest was quiet around you, and the silence was welcome after such a hectic few days. 

Sam had got you booked on the next flight home, and you were sent on your way with nothing but your purse and a jacket. You hadn’t even realised you’d lost your phone at some point till you’d gotten on the plane - which led to a long, boring flight. 

Steve had told you to head back to your apartment and keep a low profile. The authorities weren’t actively looking for you, but it was still best to be careful - people knew your ties to the Avengers, and it was best if they didn’t come asking questions about where Steve had gone. You hadn’t enjoyed the idea of holing up in an empty flat though, and so had come to the only place you could think of where you’d feel safe right now. 

The farmhouse stretched out in front of you against the dark sky, and you suddenly remembered just how early it was. Ah well, couldn’t be helped. 

You knocked lightly on the door, stepping back and raising your hands in surrender just in case they were feeling jumpy when they opened the door - it was part of the job after all. 

It was a few seconds of silence before a light clicked on through the window, and the door swung open to reveal a confused, sleepy face. You smiled.

“Hey Clint. Can you spare a moment to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ?”

The blonde scoffed, grinned, then tugged you into his chest. For the first time in hours, you felt you could breathe again. Clint was somewhat of a big-brother to you, being the first you’d met of the team apart from Sam. It had been a complete coincidence that you knew his wife and kids, as the cafe you worked at was just down the street from their school. Laura had quickly become a regular, and had brought Clint in to try the Spiced Latte’s - he’d become hooked, and the rest was history. 

The man pulled away to hold you at arm’s length, critical eye flitting across your face and body.

“I’ll explain everything when I’ve had a shower, I can practically smell myself right now.”

He laughed under his breath and ushered you inside, closing the door as quietly as possible behind you. 

xxx

You’d had a hot shower, changed into a borrowed pair of pj’s, and were cuddled up on the sofa with a steaming mug of green tea - you finally felt human again. Clint was sat across from you nursing his own cup, trying to digest the crazy story you’d just hit him with. 

Above you, the pipes creaked as the hot water turned on, and little footsteps ran across the hallway. Knowing you didn’t have long until the invasion, you sat up a little straighter.

“Clint, I want to help.” Immediately the man opened his mouth, a rebuttal on the tip of his tongue, but you beat him to it. “I have to help. I know I’m not an assassin, or an enhanced or even a genius. I’m a fucking waitress. But it’s the man I love, my family, going into this fight - and I won’t sit back and not even know if they’re all alive.”

Surprised by your outburst, Clint gives you the same look that Steve did - a mix of concern, exasperation, and a little admiration. 

“Listen, Titch. I know you want to help, but - and I’m just being real here - what would you do?” Clint’s question stumped you for a second, and he took your silence as a sign he could continue without you kicking up a fight. “You’d have to stay out of the action, and all that would happen would everyone would be distracted because they’d be worrying about you. Even if you didn’t get hurt, someone else probably would.” His voice turned to a softer tone as he squeezed your knee. “I know you mean well, kid. But the battlefield’s no place for you. Leave this to the people who know what they’re doing.”

Ok. You’d been about to back down before the last sentence ruffled your feathers. Before you could start your indignant comeback, the sound of a child propelling themself full force down the stairs interrupted you. You may have been mad, but you weren’t about to fight in front of a kid.

Lila came skipping into the room, babbling to her dad about wanting waffles for breakfast when her eyes caught sight of you. She stopped abruptly, gaped at you for a second, then launched herself up into your lap with a scream of your name. Laughing, you threw your arms around her and buried your face into her soft hair. The girl immediately started talking faster than you could really keep up with, asking questions and telling you stories. 

Somewhere in the middle of gossiping about a boy in her class, she had managed to drag you to sit at the kitchen table with her and Cooper as Clint busied himself at the stove. Laura came down shortly after you’d started your second cup of coffee (sleep hadn’t really happened, after all) and you jumped up to give her a tight hug. She hid her surprise at seeing you well, dropping any questions quickly after you grimaced at the mention of Steve. 

You were enjoying the light conversation that came with the family atmosphere when Clint’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket, a serious expression gracing his features as he read the caller ID. He stubbornly refused to meet your gaze as he excused himself from the table, and you shared a quick look of confusion with Laura. 

It had to be Steve. 

Throwing down your fork, you followed the blonde out onto the porch, not making any effort to be sneaky about your eavesdropping. You leant against the railing next to him, watching closely even as he turned his back on you.

“No of course, I can do that.” 

He went silent again as Steve spoke, turning back slowly to look at you with traces of guilt in his features. You crossed your arms and set your jaw, stubborn as always. 

“Yeah, alright. Hey, what about Y/N? You want me to let her know what’s going on?”

Bless him for trying, but the expression on his face made Steve’s reaction pretty clear.

After a few more ‘ok’s’ and a ‘bye’, Clint hung up the phone. He took his time putting the device back in his pocket, and rubbing a hand over his tired face before turning back to you once more. 

“They’re on their way to the airport, I’m going to pick up Scott and Wanda and take them there. Guess I’m out of retirement.”

You had no idea who Scott was, but you didn’t care. There was clearly more judging by the look of pity he was trying hard to not give you. You waited in silence for a moment or two, before giving in and asking.

“What else Clint? What else did he say?”

“He told me not to tell you what’s going on, he didn’t want you to worry. He figured you’d be safer if he left you out of the loop for a bit.” Ouch. “Also...he’s meeting with Sharon, something about needing her help.” Double ouch.

Releasing a deep breathe, you tried desperately to contain the anger and betrayal bubbling inside you. He’d promised he’d keep you updated. He was happily going behind your back, keeping you in the dark. He was treating you like some weak child, underestimating you, considering you a burden. He was meeting up with Sharon when he knew how you felt about that whole situation. 

Emotions raged inside you as old insecurities resurfaced fiercely. You wouldn’t let that happen though. You were not weak.

Instead, you nodded. You walked back inside. You finished your breakfast, and helped Laura wash up as the children played outside and Clint went to dress and grab his things. 

“Laura, hope you don’t mind but I borrowed some clothes - I really needed to change my top.”

“Of course, that’s fine,” the brunette replied lightly, but you saw her watching you out of the corner of her eye. “Are you ok? With being here, I mean. I know you want to go badly, but it’s too dangerous.”

You kept your eyes fixed on the glass you were drying in your hands as Clint came in to say goodbye, hugging Laura and pressing a kiss to the back of your head with a whispered promise to keep you updated. 

A promise that everyone seemed to be making lately. 

He walked out the door, and you turned to face Laura as you placed the glass back in the cupboard by her head.

“I don’t want to go with them.” 

Laura breathed a sigh and shot you a smile. You fixed your eyes on her kind gaze.

“I have to.”

And you left the room, left the house, and refused to leave Clint’s side as he headed towards the compound.

You refused to be left on the sidelines.


	5. Chapter 5

Rain pattered on the windshield, blurring your view of the landscape around you - not that there was much too see anyway. It was dark, and the acres of forest surrounding the compound were still and vast. Music played quietly from the van’s radio, anything to stop you feeling quiet so vulnerable, so alone. Clint should have been back by now.

You’d seen the flash of light way across the other side of the building minutes ago, which should have been enough time for Clint to grab Wanda and run. Tapping the steering wheel with your fingers, you craned your neck to sweep the edge of the trees for their forms, but the shadows were too dense to make out much at all.

Huffing in frustration, and ignoring the slither of worry that scratched at your spine - Vision wouldn’t hurt Clint, he wouldn’t - you once again flicked open the burner phone that sat on the passenger seat. You were checking Clint’s messages obsessively, hoping to hear something from the guys in Berlin. You just wanted to know that everyone was at least alive.

At that moment, you caught movement in the corner of your eye, and raised your head to see Wanda and Clint sprinting full tilt towards you. Without a second of hesitation, you lept from the van and crashed into Wanda, both of you wrapping your arms so tightly around the other that your bones creaked in protest. 

An affectionate half-smile pulled at Clint’s mouth, and he reluctantly reached out to tug lightly on your elbow.

“C’mon kids, we gotta go.”

Grabbing Wanda’s hand, you led her to the van, and didn’t let go even when you were safely on the road again, with one more stop between you and Steve.

xxx

You’d met more than your fair share of strange people. 

Heroes, enhanced, spies, assassins, gods - you name it.

Scott Lang still somehow managed to be the weirdest of them all, the kind of guy you’d expect to find nerding out in a comic book store rather than at the top of the list for back up in a firefight. 

Not that you were judging. He was nice, and funny, and eager to help, and that was all that really mattered.

So here you were, your little ragtag group coasting down a highway in Berlin in a busted up van on the way to help a world renowned criminal escape the law, a witch by your side and an archer and a man who could shrink to the size of an insect curled up asleep in the back.

This was actually your life.

The radio was playing low again, you had a fresh coffee in one hand, and the wheel in the other, and thoughts of what could happen in the morning flooded your vision due to the quiet roads that held few distractions.

“Steve’s going to be ok you know.”

Her words jolted you from your reverie, and you shot her a quick look to find the girl still laying against the window, eyes closed and buried in her hoodie. 

“I thought you were asleep.”

Wanda raised an eyebrow at you and sat up a little in her chair.

“Hard to sleep with you thinking so loudly,” she teased. You stuck your tongue out at her playfully as she stole your coffee and took a swig, savouring the warmth it brang. 

“I meant it, though. He’ll be fine. The others won’t actually hurt him, and legal issues can be sorted when you have a billionaire friend to pay for it.”

As the headlights flickered over a sign for the airport, your heart plummeted and the mood turned somber, Wanda reaching for your hand to grip it tight as you mentally prepared for the shitshow that was about to go down.

xxx

Steve was not happy.

His whole demeanour changed the second he clocked you in the driver's seat as the van pulled up next to their car, arms crossed and brow furrowed so that he looked like a sulky toddler on steroids.

As if he was in a position to judge you for anything right now when he was driving around in a fucking Beetle. 

As Clint jumped out to give your boyfriend a classic bro-hug, and greetings from Wanda sounded out, you took a deep breath and circled the van to join the group. As Scott introduced himself to Steve like the dork he was, Sam shot you a smirk and dragged you into a quick half-hug, which you discreetly used to inhale his comforting smell. 

As the team talked preparations, Steve kept sending you disapproving looks and you kept adamantly ignoring them. Whether it was because you were scared for his safety, angry about Sharon, upset that he wasn’t happy to see you, or some weird mixture of all three of them.

Feeling eyes on you, you glanced up to see Bucky shifting a confused look between you and his best friend, and you coughed uncomfortably, heading back to the van as Steve dismissed the group to prepare then scatter.

You were decked out in your idea of fight wear - jeans, tee and tough-looking boots - and the bag in the back of the van held the rest of your supplies.

A taser and a knife. That was what Nat had trusted you with months ago when you were left alone at the compound for the first time and she had wanted you to be safe rather than sorry. It wasn’t much, but it was better than going in completely empty handed. 

Not that you were going in anywhere. You were playing the scout, sitting up on a roof with a link to the comms so you could keep track of everyone and help those on the ground. You weren’t exactly happy that you were being kept off the field, but as it had taken Clint and Sam about 10 minutes to convince Steve to let you be anywhere other than the car you weren’t going to complain. Not out loud, anyway.

As the clicks of buckles and the fastening of weapons took place around you, it all of a sudden hit that you weren’t going into battle against enemies - you were fighting your way through friends. All for one man who you had no reason to trust or care about except from the word of your captain. 

Your eyes drifted over to the Winter Soldier, taking in his raggedy hair and sharp jaw, the way he was constantly alert and aware of everything around him, and you thought maybe he was worth it.

At the end of the day, he was a man who’d been used and hurt beyond what you could ever imagine. He’d been tortured for decades, made to do inhuman things, forced to forget everything and everyone he’d ever cared about. Then, perhaps even worse, he had to remember it all again.

Seemed like a pretty good reason to help someone.

His ice blue eyes caught your stare, uncomfortably darting from yours to the ground, and back to you. Not really knowing how to act around the man, you settled for a small smile before turning back to where the group was parting ways. 

You were headed to the parking lot with Wanda and Clint, but you only took one step in their direction before your eyes were drawn like a magnet to your right. Between the shoulders of Scott and Sam, Steve was drilling holes into your skull. He had a troubled frown on his beautiful face, and you were so tempted to push through the other men and jump into his big strong arms. However, when he shifted as if to walk toward you, you turned and quickly strode off to catch up with the archer and the witch.

You didn’t look back to see the heartbroken expression on Steve’s face.

xxx

The fight was messy. 

A part of you - the naive part - had assumed that Tony would turn up with Nat and Rhodey, be grossly outnumbered and unable to fight with their friends, therein surrendering and joining you all on the quinjet to head to Siberia where you would kill the bad guys and save the world and then all get drunk and laugh about it. 

Or something along those lines anyway.

You hadn’t expected the Spider-Kid or the King of the Kitties to rock up to the party and create a clusterfuck. 

You were up on one of the top levels of the parking lot, crouched behind the wall and hidden in the shadows, trying to keep track on everyone - which was proving to be very difficult as they were all insanely quick and also completely unpredictable in their movements.

Of course, Nat had spotted you straight away, sending a worried glance up to your vantage point, but not pointing you out to any of the others. You were very grateful for that. 

No matter what, your eyes kept drifting over to follow Steve, your entire body tensing everytime he took a hit. You knew he’d be fine, that no matter how angry Tony was with him he could never kill him - but it didn’t stop you from being scared. Watching him fight was putting things in perspective, and you realised that you should have pushed past the others and thrown yourself into his arms when you had the chance. 

You were pretty quickly pulled out of your thoughts when Scott suddenly grew to the size of a fucking house. 

“What the absolute shitting hell?!”

The reactions down on the ground clearly matched yours as everyone stuttered in their steps. But the shock factor worked, and you spotted Bucky and Steve sprinting towards the hangar as everyone else was preoccupied with taking down the giant. 

The plan was that you were supposed to stay where you were until the fight was over, then get back to the van and get the hell out of there. You already had a nondescript hotel you were supposed to book into to wait for the others to show up - if they weren’t arrested - or lie low till Steve and Bucky came back. 

You weren’t good at following rules though.

Seeing an opportunity and deciding to seize it, you made a run for the stairs, propelling yourself down them faster than you thought you could and bursting through the door to blink in the sudden sun. Hugging the side of the building, you tried to keep off the radar and get to the quinjet - a fact that was made easier as everyone was still distracted. 

Except T’Challa, who was running after Steve and Bucky. And Nat, who was nowhere to be seen. And Tony, who was currently staring at you in bewilderment. Shit.

You both stood still for a fraction of a second before you simultaneously ran for the hangar. Unsurprisingly, Tony was faster than you. The ground trembled as Scott hit the ground, but you didn’t waste time glancing back. You had to reach that jet. You had to reach Steve. 

Then the jet in question flew from the hangar doors and you skidded to a stop in surprise. Tony was quicker to react, his helmet coming up to cover his face as he applied his thrusters to take off after them. Without thinking, you reached out to grab onto him.

The heat of his thrusters seared through your jacket and you felt like your shoulder was on fire. A scream ripped from your throat as you hit the ground, clutching at your neck as tears cascaded down your cheeks. Black spots began to fill your vision, and you could only just make out Clint above you, his hand fluttering over your injury as he spoke words you couldn’t hear. 

The overwhelming screech of sirens was the last thing that pierced the haze before you blacked out.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Check out my tumblr - raqequitthatshit - for updates and more Avengers goodness!


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